Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
