i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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