Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
NoShamevember. You game?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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