Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
