so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
