Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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