Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
