Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize