Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
