OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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