I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You ruined the universe
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
