we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
