your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
