I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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