The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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