god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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