just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
