She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
