just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize