I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
