Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
