my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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