You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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