You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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