Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
