people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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