At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
