I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
