Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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