Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
