I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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