bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
