Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
