I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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