I wish I could punch you in the face.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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