Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
