Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
