Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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