my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
