My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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