my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
