Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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