my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We're too hungover to prance.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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