So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
