he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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