As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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