let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
