chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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