the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
