Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
