just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
