If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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