Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
