The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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