god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You don't make any sense
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