last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
