I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
