dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
