She's JV to your varsity
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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