Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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