Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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