I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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