True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
