im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
