do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
