I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
