I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just had sex on a roof
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
