so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize