Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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