Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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