i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
