swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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