You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
