Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
