don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
