Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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