think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
